question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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