Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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