i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
