Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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