It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
