Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
