just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
