umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
