trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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