Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
