It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
