My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize