BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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