I got chris browned last night
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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