'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
