FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
