Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
