I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
