Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
