You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
