if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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