I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
