just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
