went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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