Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
