I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
