He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
