dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
