??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
