I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
