I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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