God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
