You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
