ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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