You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
