so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
