Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize