Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
