Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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