giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
