I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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