woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
