the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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