That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
