matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
