What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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