what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
