I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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