Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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