So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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