On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
