Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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