I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
