I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize