i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
