i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
