i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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