She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize