Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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