My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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