unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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