Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
