Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
