I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
