I'm gonna have a badass scar
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
