it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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