I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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