Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
