I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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