Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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