your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
