I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
