Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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