I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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