JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
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