Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
