Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
