This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize