I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
