Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm too high and old for this...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
