Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Help. Why am I so naked?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
