I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
