Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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