I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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