Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
