Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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