so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
