i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
