This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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