I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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