So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
