all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
