Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
