is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
4 words: hood of his car
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
