so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
