every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
