Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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