I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
