You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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