broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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