I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
