your thong is hanging out like whoa
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
