Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize