we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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