to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize