Tell her she can't have a vagina
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
