It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
