Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
