Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
