i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
